| Movie | The Curse of the Golden Flower |
| Nutshell | In Tang Dynasty China, the royal family is totally insane and they all kill each other in really fabulous clothes during the chrysanthemum festival. |
| Good Things | Really fabulous clothes |
| Bad Things | Totally insane royal family killing each other |
| Features | Chrysanthemum festival, Chow Yun-Fat, Gong Li, poisoned tea, gongs, Chou Jay, Liu Ye, escapes on horseback, face brands, ninja attacks |
| Uncomfortable Moments | The seated sword fight made my brain feel funny. |
| Notable | Come to think of it, if I found out my mother had embroidered 10,000 chrysanthemums, I’d think something was very wrong too. |
| Best Part | When the ninjas (?) appeared, I lost my shit laughing. Really. |
| Best Line | "You must be hiding something important from me!" |
| Crowns | 2 out of 5 |