| Movie | Chinatown |
| Nutshell | Vain gumshoe gets his nose snipped and tries to find out what this has to do with the L.A. "river." |
| Good Things | Jack Nicholson, John Huston, aggro Valley farmers (!) |
| Bad Things | San Pedro fisherman is a wife beater in a yucky tank top :( |
| Features | Point Fermin, Roman Polanski, Catalina and Echo Park |
| Uncomfortable Moments | You know. |
| Notable | Robert Towne's script has made life hell for every screenwriting student ever |
| Best Part | Literal sacrificial lambs at City Hall. |
| Best Line | To tell you the truth I lied a little. |
| Crowns | 5 out of 5 |