| Movie | Behind Enemy Lines |
| Nutshell | Owen Wilson as a Navy Lt. Fighter Jet Navigator...... (sorry I was overcome there for a moment) who gets shot down in Serbia (I think) during a routine holiday recon mission and has to evade capture and execution after his aircraft takes footage of mass graves of Muslims killed by Serbian Bastards. His rescue is thwarted by protocol and the French Assholes at NATO and really it's more gripping than you can imagine watching the love of my life run through forests, mine fields, and mountain ranges chased by tanks and people screaming in Serbo-Croatian while his 74-year-old Admiral argues with David Keith. |
| Good Things | Well I already mentioned Owen Wilson, DUH. It's also pretty spiffy looking with pizzazzy editing (spellcheck on pizzazzy?), wonderful, original stunts, and great aircraft carrier footage plus an insane sequence with a heat-seeking missile chasing a plane (unfortunately Owen's in the plane). |
| Bad Things | I almost had a stroke watching Owen Wilson run for his life for two hours. |
| Features | A swarthy Serbian gunman in an Adidas tracksuit, Ice Cube name checks, satellite kidnapping, jello, French NATO Special Forces (hahahaahahahaahaha!), Sky News muckrakers, Dion and the Belmonts, large statuary, Gabriel Macht, Charles Malik Whitfield as a DIY Marine Sergeant (are they really that chubby?) |
| Uncomfortable Moments | See: Bad Things. Also, unease when the 74-year-old Admiral flies a helicopter for the Marines' rescue operation (what's next - fisticuffs on the Sunset Strip?) |
| Notable | Best commercial for the Marines since "Sands of Iwo Jima" |
| Best Part | Thinking about the person who got this script and said "Hmm... Navy Lt. Fighter Jet Navigator who evades capture by evil Serbs and survives in the wilderness - can we get that guy who had trouble riding a horse while holding a gun in Shanghai Noon?" |
| Best Line | "I guess I got a little rattled when I ejected at Mach 3." |
| Crowns | 5 out of 5 |